Posts (page 2)
i hate my life
as i sed before i thought about those kinda things a lot bak in the day. now i feel the same way again. after having an argument with sisi again, i came up to a conclusion. i hate myself. its not that i hate life, i hate myself. the way i do things, the way i mess up things, the way i cant deal with things right. im an idiot... i dont kno wat to say... im sorry sisi... if u hate me, i dont mind cuz its my fault. all i can do right now is express wat i feel in writing...
『あなたの人生は、失敗しました。リセットしてください』
"You have failed at life. Reset please."
those words...
i remember those from a manga i found on the web by tetsuya tsutsui. called reset. those words from a game will appear in real life and ppl will think its a game and they kill themselves to reset their life. the game is so realistic that they dunno which is wat.
right now, i wish my life was a game, or if myself was a game character. i would reset it, and make a better one. but seems like i cant do that. in real life, u cant change that so easily. how fascinating and complex a human can be.
ill never "reset" myself. unlike wat i thought of long ago. i need to keep living on dealing with this. i cant stop here. watevr happens, i need to accept.
so, watevr u say, ill accept. even if its the worst thing i can think of...
"After all in life, you can start over as many times as you want"
I have been busy lately. work at CVS until closing most of the time. i actually dont mind, cuz i rather be doing something and moving other than sitting on this couch forever, for the 3 months or so of summer break. that is just boring. the good thing is, im getting paid and thatll do good for the allowance and rent money i need so far.
summer is almost over. around 3 weeks left until i go back to tech. cant wait. but before that, i'll be going over to richmond for sisi's birtday! ya-y. planning on going to nova with her to have a joint party of jon's birthday. itll be fun.
other than that, on the days i dont have work, i've been reading... MANGA. AHAHAHA. no actually books. im sorry. i bet my english will get worse and worse if i dont read. meh. ill read when i feel like it. lol.
so far ive read:
One Piece
Hunter x Hunter
Bamboo Blade
Naruto
Bleach
Rurouni Kenshin
Black Cat
I have lots of manga at home. but the most im interested in right now is a manga i found called Bamboo Blade. I forgot how i found this manga. but its a manga about kendo. dont feel like writing the summary but its about the kendo club with only like one person in it. and the teacher kojiro is poor. he makes a deal with his senpai that he'll face against the senpai's girl team for a one year of free sushi. lol. so yea, he tries to find the 5 girls. one girl is like one of the best person, and blah blah blah. i think the goal of the whole manga series is to enter the All Japan Tournament for high schoolers and win it. its actually a good manga in my opinion. genre is like... kendo, school, dream, comedy kinda thing.
i also just found out that they are making an ANIME out of this, scheduled to broadcast in fall of 2007. i want to see it. but i think its very early for them to make an anime this quick tho... itll catch up to the manga so fast that i dont think it can last like 20 or so episodes... we have to see how they do it. maybe theyll make the matches last very long, unlike the manga. lol. and maybe go to some side stories.
english translations to this can be found on nyaatorrents i think. but only up to chapter 24 or something is translated. which kinda sux for ppl. i found the raw of the manga, the 5 volumes thats out right now. hahaha. which is like 40 something chapters. you all should read it maybe. its quite good.
you can see some of the pages ive put up here, and the other pic is a special drawing of the author on her website
P.S. the panda picture talks about her idea of making who the 5th person to be. and she drew this for laughter. it was her FIRST idea. lol. name is nda-hanako. it also says: dream, to become the champion of panda kendo. pretty funny. in the manga, ive seen her drawing some pandas here and there, as a stuffed animal and as a key chain.
Song of the day: ポルノグラフィティ - リンク (porno graffitti - link)
The new song from one of my favorite band of all time. this song sounds like them long time ago. i started to not like the new songs they were coming out with. i liked winding road which was the one before this, but some were getting bad in my opinion. i liked them cuz the vocal has a unique voice from anyone i heard and the sound is different from evryone else. well, listen to them.
This weekend, i was at a sleep over / summer camp kinda thing at my church in flushing, ny. it was to train the little kids and the young adults for parades in the summer. marching, playing the instrument, playing song, etc. i went there even tho i graduated from that whole thing to teach the new kids how to play the fife... which is a small flute kinda thing, alittle close to picolo but not really. i've done this thing for years. ive played the fife and the percussion (snare drum, cymbals, bass drum). so much work was involved.
Well, on saturday we practiced with our instrument groups. i taught the kids the fife, but the advanced ones. advanced fifes need to blow higher sounds in the song so we practiced those. fingering exercises, breathing exercises, playing, reading the notes, etc. so yea, that wasnt hard. after that, we had service at church. then had dinner. it was bbq. after bbq, we had a little game thing we played for like ovr an hour or so. it was fun. it was thought out by the staff members. i had to join in cuz my name was already written on the group team. haha. o well. it was fun. we drew pictures and guess wat it was. evryone is horrible at drawing. lol. we also did things that was written on a card, like eat jello without ur hand, and so on. i was going against my friend and his card sed to find spider man on the ground. mine was to jump on a pogo stick 5 times continuously. as immature as i can be, i tried to hide my friend's eye so he cant read while i search where the pogo stick is. lol. i was going easy. lol. i did it a few times and finally did it 5 times. i was about to get the card from the staff meaning im finished but something hit my butt. i looked down and it was a spider man. i was like, "wtf" all of a sudden my friend came in front of me and got the card first. damn, so i lost. lol. o well. tough luck.we did other stuff and at the end, we blind folded the little kids and made them try to break the watermelon. saturday was fun.
that night, i wasnt able to sleep. these kids are reaaaaally loud, and really have bad habits when theyre sleeping. one boy suddenly stood up in the dark. i thought he was awake. so i just checked on him watching. he started rushing towards the door. he bent down. the other staff named Mo was there. he was awake too. he sed "who is this?" no response. the kid just sat there looking at Mo. creepy. then he just started crawling bak to his sleeping spot. then, he put his leg on my back and went bak to sleep. omg. sleep walker. lol. another kid started yelling "dude, just be quiet and go to sleep!" yea he was talking in his sleep. lol. they all also migrated towards my area. i didnt have any space to sleep. in the morning, i saw a huge space enough for 2 adults to sleep in a corner where they were usually sleeping. they kept me up...
Sunday, was the hardcore day for practicing. woke up at 630am and started service, and ate breakfast. after that we split up into the individual instrument again and practiced. that was until 11. break until 11:15 and we had an overall practice until 12. we ate curry for lunch. good stuff. then we went to cunningham park to practice marching. i've done so much marching practice that it was easy. all us staffs who are experienced showed them how to do it. and we improved so that we look sharper than we were a while back. it was good practice. that was until 245. and that was the end of the day. we went bak to church, said thank you to God, staffs, and evryone for their help.
yup. im tired. so, ill stop here. im waiting for sisi to come bak from ashly's place for ashly's bday party but i dunno how long that will take. o well. if i cant stay awake, i guess ill go to sleep. o well. i love you sisi! XD
P.S. I think i got a job at CVS. they told me all these stuff that kinda seems like im hired, like i can come bak during breaks in college, transfer to the cvs near tech, the hourly wage i get paid, etc. well, ill see wat happens after i go to the orientation/training that i have to go on tuesday evening. until then, i need sleep.
Song of the day: Back-on - chain
this song is also the opening song for the anime called "air gear." its a mixture of hiphop/rap and rock. its actually not bad. theyre newest song is not so great. i think this one is better.
I've been thinking...
how things haven't been going the way i like it. how life has been horrible. i don't know about all of you but when i think about it, its been getting worse and worse. when i was a kid, i've always been thinking how much life sux and all that. i've been going through so much crap. when i was small, all i was thinking about was how things can change or how things can be different in a new life. when i think about it now, all those back in the day is a good memory. i feel like its nothing compared to what im going through now. let's see... no job, no money, loan, debt, family trouble, etc. yea yea, i can't be saying how much it sux cuz i kno evryone goes through it. it's just that, its been my whole life. meh.
i've been changing myself to adjust to evry circumstance in my life. i was a loud and pretty active kid back in the day, but now, i've been staying back a lot, being quiet and all in classes and stuff. also from looking at people i've changed. oh, i don't want to be like him, oh, that person is really annoying, oh, am i like this? trying to change evry bits and pieces of myself one by one. right now, i kno lots of ppl are saying, "you small kids should act more like osamu. he's so nice, blah blah blah." but thats not wat i think... all i can say is, it just sounds like they're pitying me. they don't mean it that way, but it just sounds to me like that. in my opinion, im not nice. im not a good person at all.
how can i change? how can i change even more? so i can be someone that i can approve. i want to say sorry to those who i have hurt in the past. i kno none of these can be regretted. but thers nothing i can think of to do to those people. right now, i believe i hurt sisi the most. im really sorry for her that i've hurt her so much. im not the right person for her... i dont kno why and how she's been putting up with me. im sorry... i love you, and thank you for everything. thank you for putting up with me. you're the best. you're the only that i love.
i want to thank all those people out there also. to those that supported and put up with me. friends, family, and especially you sisi. im very sorry for evrything. i love you.
P.S. Sorry that this post kinda sounded dark, but i had to say things that i was thinking or ill just keep thinking about it. on the brighter note, i have a job interview at CVS tomorrow noon! YES! maybe a job? hopefully. i really need this, or ill be working at deet's so much next year that i wouldnt have much time with sisi. i want lots of time with her. i love her. so please, let this be successful...
Song of the day: Start from Scratch - Sunny Day
This band is a four piece band. 2 guys from japan, and 2 guys from the US. the vocal is from hawaii and he sings in japanese. i saw his video blog and stuff, he says his japanese isnt that great. but i think its really good when he sings. so yea. the song is mostly in english but some are in japanese. i think they're getting attention in japan now. i think they should come to america. they kinda sound like new found glory.
FROM THE PREVIOUS POST:
so, wat i did on my way bak is that i wanted to buy the tickets for the train to go bak home. however, my card didn't work. it's because i forgot my PIN #. stupid me. how can i forget after not using the damn card for a month or so. i need to change the number. the number is so confusing cuz i didnt chose it. the stupid bank chose it. o well. i need to change it. and on a note of that, i need to get a credit card. my mom told me to. so im looking for a good one right now. we shall see.
NEW POST:
so today, i finally got the mouse. my mouse broke like a week or two ago. the cord ripped and the laptop would not recognize it anymore. so, i was talking to sisi and everything about how i hated not using the mouse. i was broke. then sisi sed she would buy it. of course i didnt want here to do that. but she bought it for me. how sweet XD. she's so sweet. i love her so much. thank you very much. i love you.
the mouse is Logitech LX 7. it was about 29.99. im going to get sisi something better. XD
I love you sweetie.
Tomorrow, ill be going to the mall to get a job... yes finally, and hopefully ill find one. ill be going to the coffee beanery to see if they need someone. if not, ill just walk around the mall to find somewhere. i need money. please please please let me get a job!
Song of the day: Rin' - sakura sakura
I just found them today. these two girls can sing and play the japanese traditional instrument very well. they play the koto, the 17-string koto, shamisen, shakuhachi, and the biwa. they put together the traditional japanese instrument with the sounds of jpop. it sounds very good. they also have done a cover of a song by stevie wonder and i thought it was great. they're well known in america too i think. they have cds out. i think its the japanese traditional instrument that attracts the modern society in america and other places. check it out.
so that was day one. day two, we went bak to nyc to go shopping on 5th and madison ave. sisi wanted to go to the bra shop and FAO Shwarz, the toy store. on our way trying to find those shop, we found a build-a-bear store. they had so many and the place was huge. but we didnt see any panda so i think sisi wasnt happy about that. ahahaha. after we did all the shopping and stuff, we went bak to japanese street to go eat. we ate a a restaurant called yakiniku west. it was good. nice atmosphere.
now day three. we did some prayer service thing we do at home every 2nd sunday. so sisi sat there. haahah. sorry if it was uncomfortable. but yea. after that, we ate lunch. yea omg my dad made food. i guess he was trying to show off cuz sisi was here. ahahahaha. after that, sisi me and my mom went to maritime aquarium. its a small place but sisi wanted to see the aquarium. the other bgger one is over 1hr of a drive so cant do that. but i guess she had fun. even tho she didnt see any dolphins... sorry ><". told u it was a small place. after that, we went to Stew Leonard's the worlds largest dairy store. i think sisi had a good time going to that place. she ate the ice cream there. she sed its the best vanilla ice cream she tasted. its really heavy smooth and rich. it made me full. after we got bak home, we rested alittle. sisi fell asleep kinda. kekeke. and i finished most of my translation that i had to do which i finished later this night. we went to american steak house for dinner. my brother paid evrything, that rich bastard. but thanx for that. lol. cuz im broke... but yea, havent been there in years. i think the taste went down but it was still good. after that, we went home and relaxed.
now the last day. sisi had to be bak on the bus around 4pm to go bak home. we kinda woke up late so we rushed. lol. we went to zaiya again to buy some cream puffs for her mommy from a place called beard papa. its a really good place. sisi also bought a bento box for her trip bak. now we rushed bak to chinatown to find that hand made noodle restaurant that we found online. we got there in time and we ate. it was good. and once again thank god sisi was there to order. i had no idea. lol. and we were able to go to the chinese bakery near the bus stop to buy the rollcake thing for her mommy too. after that i saw her get on the bus and sed good bye. hope she comes bak again and i can see her ovr the summer again. ill do watevr it takes. even tho if she says no. :p
now after all that, is a different story. haha..ha....hahaha..... ill tell you all about that at the next post. so come bak. :p
Song of the day: やなわらばー - 夢を見た (yume wo mita)
this song is another great song by yanawaraba-. i believe this song is better than the other song and gives a better look at their singing talent. talks about a dream where someone lost the person they loved. and because he/she saw that song, they will nevr let that person go. something like that. such a sad song, but so good. sorry i dont have a pv nor the lyrics to it. dont feel like writing or anything. so here it is. enjoy. click the audio button to hear the whole song.
Happy Anniversary Sisi!!
Yes, its been 14months already. I love her more than ever before. Each anniversary makes me love her more and more. And she's coming over soon for my birthday and to visit NYC. Best bday gift ever. Im also going to give her a biiiiig gift for working so hard at work. i also want her to relax.
Anyway, other than that, yesterday, was the 30th anniversary of the church in flushing new york. thats where i have been going since i was little. cant believe its already the 30th anniversary. time passes by so fast.
A good news. So, my dad called me today. He asked his friend if i could work at the restaurant as a waiter. but that didnt work out. but his friend says he knows an architect and will tell him if the guy was interested in hring or not. that was friday. and now today, i gt a call from my dad saying he is interested. im going to call the head guy about the job and when he wants to meet with me. I hope this will go well. cuz i really need this. for money, but most of all for my experience. The architect office has 8 ppl or so. hopefully i can get in.
Song of the day: 藍坊主 - 空を作りたくなかった (aobouzu - sora wo tukuritaku nakatta)
Aobozu's new song. in my opinion, its not their greatest song, but its still good. i especially like the chorus part, but i believe the old songs were better. the video is quite amusing. UFOs!!! haha.
Yesterday, memorial day, I went to church. The reason why i went is that there was an even where we walk 13 or 14 miles, from Manhattan to Flushing, NY. Our starting point is Tenri Cultural Institute which is a non-profit organization with a mission to promote the study of Japanese language and the appreciation of international art forms. The Institute hosts a variety of traditional and contemporary cultural programs in our modern, spacious educational facility, performing arts and exhibition space, on:
43A West 13TH Street
New York, New York 10011
Our final destination is at Tenrikyo Mission New York Center on:
42-19 147th Street
Flushing, New York 11355
Well the walk was average. It was tiring but i've done a lot of that before and i've walked farther than that on one time. i think it was over 40 or 50km... i forgot. Anyway, the purpose of this walk was to show our sincerity and gratitude for Kokan, who is the daughter of the foundress of our Religion, who walked from Osaka to spread the teachings. That walk is called the Jusan Pass Walk. I've done that before in Japan, going up the mountain and stuff. that was quite fun. then the following year i did a longer walk, the Yoshino Walk, which was 40-50km. That was better, even tho lots of people started to throw up, can't walk anymore, passed out, etc.
I do not have any pictures at the moment, but I may get some later. I have last years picture but i doubt you want to see that :p
After the walk, we had a BBQ. didn't eat much but i was more thirsty than hungry. ate a hamburger, chicken, and rice balls. haha. it was good.
I went to sleep fairly early for myself and still woke up at 12ish. but i couldnt stay awake and went bak to sleep. sorry sisi... yea i was really tired. I think im alright now. i hope. i wonder when my legs will start hurting. ahahaa. maybe it wont.
I love you sisi XD
Song of the day: GReeeeN - 愛唄 (aiuta)
This is a love song. the song is great and the lyrics are great. the video isnt as great as the other ones, but its not bad tho. some of those comments on youtube are so stupid. they dunno wat theyre saying in the song so they just say something stupid. ppl on there r just dumb. lol. especially about the guy banging on the glass. of course its symbolizing something you dumbasses. y would they make a video of someone just hitting the glass for no reason. gosh. i bet those ppl that wrote those comments are kids or immature ppl. but anyway, the song starts out by saying: to the person i love, please listen carefully without laughing, saying i love you is kinda plain. but thats the only thing i can say to you, see you just laughed and made fun of me. ahahaha. thats just funny. but yea, other parts r like: everyday just cry and laugh just you standing with me is the meaning of why i am alive. how sweet. thats how i feel about sisi XD. i cant translate so well, but if you all knew japanese, you would know how great the lyrics are.
i went to kendo today after being a couch potato for 3 weeks.
well not my fault for the first 2 weeks cuz of the injury.
it kinda hurt when i did kendo tho. still feel the pain when they hit me. the little kids grown so much and theyve gotten so much better. taishi, kato sensei's son, is almost my height or getting there. i remember him being shorter... hahahah. i almost passed out. it was so hot in there and so tiring. im out of shape. well time to get bak into shape :p
the end
P.S. I love Sisi XD
Song of the day: Wise - thinking of you
Very nice rapper/singer kinda hip-hop ish, r&b ish thing. his english is great cuz he's half. dad is japanese, mom is american. by the way, he's part of the Teriyaki Boys, the group that did the main theme song of Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift. He's been helping out and featuring in songs by Def Tech, m-flo, Masaharu Fukuyama, etc. anyone, i think you should hear this song.
finally i beat final fantasy 12. ya-y. clap clap clap clap. it was good. i liked it. the only bad part about this game was the numerous side quests/hunts. it's a good idea, but there were so many that kinda got me off track from the story. i was doing so many of these hunts that i forgot the whole plot and the point of what i was doing in the story. if they actually lowered the number of hunts, it would be nice. i guess doing the hunts at the end is a good idea. meh. o well. im just happy i finally finished. i dunno wat to do now...
job searching is meh. no luck at all. im bored everyday as usual. maybe i should go to kendo tomorrow. i think i will. hahaha. i shall get back into kendo shape and get better. i really dunno if i have been getting better since i went to tech. i guess i really cant tell cuz everyone else in the club is getting better. hahaha. but i guess ill see when i go back to my dojo. do keiko with kato sensei, manning sensei, then the little kids who will probably kill me. ahaha. we shall see...
Other than this, nothing else is very interesting. i havent really done much. meh.
o, o. i was bored, so i was looking at kendo videos. ahahaha. This video shows really good "do". the title of the video says its nuki do but its actually kaeshi do. 2 kaeshi do, and one men. pretty good video. yup, if i start watching kendo videos, that means im VERY bored. :p
Song of the day: 藍坊主 - コイントス (aobozu - cointoss)
here's the video that i sed about in the last post. the vocal's hair is grown... hahaha. well the video from the last post was when they debuted majorly. and this is their newest single. good band good band. but i think i like their older songs better. lol. thats my opinion.
